Month / June 2014

Babies not allowed to sleep in parent's bed, dog was.

1. CANINE SUPERIORITY. Our kids never slept in our bed. Not sure why the dog has to.

2. FLEXIBLE FEATURES. At the dinner table, my wife and daughters can entertain each other by arching one eyebrow, making their earlobes wiggle and flaring their nostrils. I feel horribly deficient for being capable of only one such trick – curling my tongue. No one is impressed.

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Daughters in big-occasion dresses

1. NO REPEATS. Dresses my daughters select for formal dances may come into their lives with a bang, but they go out with a whimper. So these unsuspecting dresses should be forewarned: Just because you will help these girls earn all kinds of accolades, like “You look TOTALLY AMAZING!” and “You’re INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS,” doesn’t mean you won’t spend months at the bottom of their closets in a wrinkled heap. And when my eldest tossed a past prom dress into the bin we set aside for goodwill donations, she was dumbfounded when her cost-conscious father tried to rescue the poor thing. “Dad, what are you doing?” she asked. “Don’t you get that a big-occasion dress can’t be ever be repeated?!” (Trust me: she did not provide that information when I balked at the price tag.)

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Two girls with paternal and maternal grandfather.

1. TOUGH ACTS TO FOLLOW. Throughout our lives, my wife, kids and I have continually marveled at how loving, gentle, patient and devoted my father and father-in-law are. So on this Father’s Day, I have three things to say to my children’s grandfathers: 1. I love you both. 2. Thank you. 3. Why do you always set the bar for fathering so high? (Seriously, try to remember that I, unlike you, am not a member of “The Greatest Generation”!)

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Father is trendy too

1. SERENDIPITOUS TRENDSETTING. Having a fashionista in the house helps me gain all kinds of insights I never would have discovered on my own. Recently when my oldest daughter was sitting next to me, she pointed at my left hand and asked, “Why did you get a silver watch?” I didn’t, of course. My wife picked it out for me, based on my two criteria – that it be light-weighted and have a large day indicator (since I hate heavy accessories, can’t ever remember the date and can hardly see). Of course, I had no idea why my daughter would have any objection to this handsome new watch, so she had to explain, “It’s silver and your wedding band is gold. That’s mixing metals…

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