1. APPROPRIATE CASTING. My family hasn’t done anything noteworthy enough for our lives to be made into a Hollywood movie (at least not yet!). Still, one afternoon, we decided to play the fun game of figuring out who would play each of us if we did. My kids decided the beautiful Ashley Judd could play their mom. We all agreed Jennifer Lawrence, with her sassiness and fun-loving spirit, was the ideal match for our oldest daughter, while the actress who plays the middle child on Modern Family would be perfectly suited for our beautiful and brilliant youngest. Surprisingly, my wife and daughters struggled to come up with a candidate for me, so I threw out a suggestion – George Clooney. That caused my eldest to let out a whooping laugh. When I asked why, she quickly recovered and told me, “He’s not handsome enough.” That one has a great future as a politician.
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1. PREHISTORIC TERMS. Every time I say “junior high” instead of “middle school” or “stereo” instead of “sound system,” my daughters look at me as if I’m so ancient I belong somewhere between Neanderthal and Cro-Magnan man in that scale of human evolution.
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1. SCARY HUNKS. Who knew pictures on a bedroom wall could be so intimidating? But I sure started to worry (okay, panic) when the posters in my daughters’ bedroom of fresh-faced prepubescent boy singers were taken down and replaced with square-jawed, manly actors with five o’clock shadows and scarily suggestive twinkles in their eyes. For my own peace of mind, I probably should have recognized that teasing sign on the door – “No parents allowed” – as wise advice.
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1. UNNEEDED PRESENCE. It could not be possible that I spent only five minutes with my eldest on her 17th birthday. My sole responsibility on this big occasion was to drive her to a hotel where she spent the night celebrating with her friends. It made me long for the days when I had to contend with 25 screaming girls at a roller-skating rink or Build-A-Bear store. Did I really feel that I had to “endure” those 90-minute squealfests? Did I not see this day coming?
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1. PLUGGED UP. When I attend rock concerts, I’m mindful of the importance of protecting my ears, so I bring foam plugs. When I have to take my daughters to boy band concerts, I double up.
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DAD FLASHES™ offers short, funny stories about parenting and marriage. They are shared by John Luiz, the lucky husband of 
