Category / New Dad Blog

Surfeit of Pillows

1. PILLOW PROLIFERATION. When I was single and had a house to myself, I had only one throw pillow on my couch to use when I wanted to recline watching TV. Now that I live with three women, there are pillows everywhere. My bed and couch have so many pillows of so many varieties it seems like they’re exhibits in a pillow museum. Any time I want to sleep or sit, I have to “gently” dislodge them. (Throwing them gets me into trouble.) Now the pillows are even turning up in unexpected places. (Do we really need lumbar support pillows at the base of our dining room chairs?) I half believe my wife doesn’t actually buy these things, but instead they multiply on their own, like rabbits.

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A DAD's BOY BAND SURVIVAL KIT

1. PLUGGED UP. When I attend rock concerts, I’m mindful of the importance of protecting my ears, so I bring foam plugs. When I have to take my daughters to boy band concerts, I double up.

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I really need to delete shots like this from my photos folder before my daughters get a chance to discover how inept I am with my iPhone.

1. RANDOM SHOTS. Nothing gives my eldest daughter greater pleasure than to scroll through the photo file on my phone and discover the number and variety of pictures I’ve taken of my feet, random floors, the roof of my car, and the home screen of my phone.

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2. NEVER DO’s. Fashion tips from my style-conscious eldest: “Crocs are so done and over, but if you can’t stop yourself, be sure to never go ‘crocs with socks.’” (If you do, according to her, you need to rethink your entire life.) “Groutfits” are a strict no-no.” (Apparently, it’s a ban against uniformly gray clothing and, to my surprise, has nothing to do with protective wear for tile guys.)

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Okay, I have to admit I am a little jealous about how much our Yorkie "looks up" to my wife. I can't get him to do anything!

1. BETA AM I. I’ve decided not to take offense and act as if my manhood is being challenged just because the dog clearly considers my wife the alpha male in our house.

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