– April 14, 2014

DAD FLASHES has been nominated by the blogger at for a Liebster Award, a recognition experienced bloggers bestow upon newer entries to the blogosphere. And okay, this may be just a chain-letter kind of thing bloggers do to draw attention to their sites, but hey it has “award” in the name, so I’ll still take it.

Award for new bloggers

To respond to the nomination, I had to offer silly answers to a rather silly set of questions. Following are my responses.

1. If you weren’t blogging about your current subject, what would you write about? Grammar, in order to make the world a better place. Because if I have to hear one more person say, “Between you and I” or “Let Steve or I know,” I might want to hurt somebody. [Okay, that's just an attempt at humor and naturally I don't endorse violence under any circumstances, not even when you're really, really annoyed.]

2. If you were a dessert, which one would you be and why? Baked Alaska because it might be fun to be as big as the largest state and as stoned as Jeff Spicoli. [Okay, again, just an attempt at jocularity. As a father, of course, I do not support anyone partaking in marijuana for anything but medicinal purposes!]

3. If you could go back to any age in your life which would you go back to? Thirty-six because it was in that narrow, blissful window when older people stopped treating me as a naive innocent and before younger people started looking at me as if I was about as contemporary and hip as Orville Redenbacher. [Okay, grammarians you may question my use of "was" in that last sentence, but I was taught you don't use "were" in a conditional statement unless it's contrary to fact, and sadly that may not be the case with my potential Orville Redenbacher likeness.]

4. If you could sit and have lunch with anyone living today, who would it be? Billy Ray Cyrus, so that I could pick his brain on how to raise a daughter, and then, after lunch, go do with my own daughters the exact opposite of everything he advised.

5. What was the best part of your day today? Walking outside and taking in the first hint of spring in Boston, after a winter that felt like we were living in Ice Station Zebra.

6. What embarrasses you? Whenever anyone says anything critical of me. Although it’s probably more embarrassing for them than it is for me when it becomes so obvious that they can neither comprehend nor appreciate perfection.

7. What is one of your biggest pet peeves? My pet peeves can never get too big because the terrarium my wife lets me keep them in is very small. She bought it for me so I could stare at it and think peaceful thoughts whenever she’s left butter on the counter to melt, failed to wipe up a post-shower puddle of water on the bathroom floor, or left a plastic bag filled with Home Depot hardware hanging from a doorknob. [Call me crazy, but I prefer to open doors in my house without bruising my thighs.]

8. If you could have any meal cooked for you what would you choose? Roasted Canadian goose in gravy. With every bite, I would appreciate that one of them had been taken out of circulation, and the walk along the path by my favorite pond might be a little less disgusting.

9. Do you remember your worst date and where did it take place? In a fancy restaurant at a table romantically placed before a fireplace, with a woman who clearly wanted to exit the minute she saw me. I later discovered she liked blonde-haired, Nordic types. We were set up by my black-haired, olive-skinned sister, so I don’t understand why she thought such a woman’s brother might be her type.

10. What is your guilty pleasure tv show or movie? Long Island Medium. My daughter watches it [right, that's the only reason I do]. I find it absolutely amazing that this woman knows people in the afterlife want their surviving family members to know they love them and miss them, but want them to get with on their lives. Goodness, that’s amazing stuff!

11. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop? Two bites. Wait a minute, you’re supposed to lick them? I’ll have to try that.